4 Ways To Practice Self-Compassion
June 30, 2022
BY RACHEL PETTETT
Showing compassion and empathy to others feels like second nature to me, but I have really struggled in the past with self-compassion. It has taken me a long time to have this same sense of love and understanding for myself.
For so many of us, we can engage in a lot of harsh self-talk, judgement and self-doubt, often without even realising it. We can undermine ourselves in so many ways, especially when things get difficult. We often add to our suffering by feeling some sort of guilt, shame or unworthiness. For some of us, it has become so normal that when we don’t criticise our body, emotions and life decisions, it feels self pitying and narcissistic.
How is it that we are quick to support our inner circle of loved ones with love and understanding but often forget the most important person – ourselves.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is at the core of shadow work and vital when diving into your ‘darkness’. It is to feel the full spectrum of your emotions without judgement and understand yourself in all forms. It is forgiving yourself for that negative self-talk, guilt and feelings of unworthiness.
The way you show love and understanding to your friends should be how you talk and treat yourself. When loved ones go through difficulties or are having a bad time, we don’t scrutinise them – instead, we show a sense of love, acceptance and empathy. This is exactly how compassion should be shown to yourself – being kind, caring and giving yourself grace.
Why Is Self-Compassion So Hard?
Self-compassion isn’t something that comes naturally to some. It can actually be quite difficult to practice and maintain. We can be conditioned to be hard on ourselves and to always analyse our every move, reaction, life choice and physical feature.
The way we treat ourselves during times of pain and suffering mostly comes from our upbringing and the beliefs we were taught when we were young about how to deal with difficult emotions when they arise. The way our family and parents reacted to our mistakes, emotions and behaviours is likely the way you react to yourself.
For me, I practice telling myself during difficulties and challenges, “I love you, I’ve got you and I’m here with you now”. When I mean practice – it is exactly that. Self-compassion doesn’t happen overnight. It is something that needs intentional practice so that a pathway of connection can be created rather than disconnection and resistance.
4 Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love”
- Bryan H. Mcgill.
1. Practice Forgiveness
To forgive yourself involves starting by acknowledging your feelings, past actions or inner stories. It is taking ownership while giving yourself the space and grace to learn from them. Once you have acknowledged and felt, it is important to let these thoughts and feelings go.
During my LomiLomi Training, I learnt about the beautiful Hawaiian teaching of Forgiveness called Ho’oponopono. This translates to “cause things to move back in balance” as in the native Hawaiian language, “pono” means balance. In order to fully let go of your judgements, you must get in touch with your true feelings, voice and acknowledge them, understand what you learnt and then bring unconditional love to whoever was involved in the situation.
To practice Ho’oponopono, focus on a memory, feeling or problem within you that you want to let go and resolve. Then repeat the following statements to your inner self as many times until the problem has lifted:
“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you”
2. Find Different Ways to Be Kind to Yourself in Difficult Moments
When difficult times arise, it is important to integrate different activities and modalities that allow you to slow down and find space. Find rituals that can be soothing, joyful and nourishing to you. Some examples could be journaling, taking a hot bath, meditating, walking in nature, yoga, breath-work or cuddling up with a hot tea while watching a movie. Whatever that may look like for you, be gentle to yourself.
3. Express Gratitude
Practising gratitude is a simple yet effective tool. When you express gratitude, you open yourself up to forgiving yourself and those around you more easily. This practice of feeling grateful won’t make your sadness, anger or pain go away, instead it creates space to see the love, little joys and miracles in life while also recognising the suffering.
Some ways to practise gratitude are to keep a gratitude journal, write down three things you’re grateful for daily or share your gratitude with others. Even the small gratitude practices can make a huge difference to the relationship you have with yourself and others.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness involves turning your attention inward with loving awareness to allow difficult emotions and thoughts to be felt and seen. It focuses on the acceptance of the experience so that you can have space to care for the one experiencing – which is you. The more you can practise mindfulness, you increase your ability to stay in the present moment without involving judgement or blame. Allow whatever needs to come to the surface, feel it, see it, and then, let it go. Some ways to practise mindful self-compassion are through guided meditation, writing a letter to yourself or journaling your thoughts and emotions.
Final Thoughts
Self-compassion is not easy to cultivate. It involves building up our inner resources so that you can strengthen your ‘compassion muscle’. The more you practise being kind and understanding to yourself, the safer you will feel when facing difficult experiences. Your inner world will be less of a battlefield and more of an imperfect garden that you often tend to.
If you are interested in starting your inner work and developing greater self-compassion, sign up for my free Inner Work Beginner Bundle. This bundle is a great tool for diving deep into shadow work, exploring stuck emotions and shining a light on the subconcious.
